Clarifying questions

A way of dealing with the person in a meeting who talks a lot and rarely listens: rather than pushing back or shutting down, you deliberately ask them questions that seek information and nothing else. Reach for it when someone’s manner is irritating you and the meeting still has to get somewhere.

How it goes

1. During the course of the meeting, take the effort to ask clarifying questions of that person.
2. Keep each question non-confrontational and seeking information only.
3. Put the questions so that they honor what the person is saying — showing interest, and seeking clarity with the intent of precise communication.
4. Listen to the answers for the real point and the motivation behind what the person is saying.

A caution

He wrote this as a practice point the day after the Magic Mirror post, recording how he had applied the topic in the workplace that day. The colleague in question had shown up characteristically fifteen minutes late and interrupted him mid-sentence, talking loudly about something unrelated; his response then was to stop talking and wait patiently for the conversation to return to his topic — it never did, and that was okay. He reports that the clarifying questions settled things down and brought out fine points and details that might otherwise have remained hidden. He is also candid that he does not always manage this: the practice has no clear terminal point, and he is always becoming a Middle Way Manager rather than having arrived.

During the course of the meeting, I took the effort to ask clarifying questions of this person. I find that these sorts of questions - non-confrontational, seeking information only - are the best way to honor what the person is saying by showing interest and seeking clarity with the intent of precise communication.

— Middle Way Management and the Magic Mirror