Declining a request
Saying no when the person being asked is already loaded, including when that person is you.
Respectfully declining a task when the person it would fall on is already overburdened with other work. Reach for it at the moment a manager asks for one more thing and the honest answer is that accepting would put you, the requester, your team, and the organization at risk of failure.
How it goes
- Set your boundaries with yourself first: practice self-compassion, and recognize when you might violate your personal standards of integrity. The example self-boundary he gives is telling the truth in all situations, even when it is hard.
- Notice the crossing as it happens — a manager asking a team member to take on an unforeseen task when that person is already overburdened with other work, or a manager overpromising on behalf of the team.
- Rather than accepting the request with the full intent of fulfilling on your promise, decline it respectfully, in the interest of not putting everyone involved at risk of failure. This leaves the requesting manager free to seek help where resources might be more plentiful or more appropriate to the task.
- Say no honestly and forthrightly, in love and compassion. He tells you to try it today.
A caution
He knows the word carries a negative connotation and takes that on directly: boundaries are a positive thing for the person setting them and for those on the receiving end, showing respect in both directions and providing a framework for gentle accountability. He is equally direct about his own record. Until recently he was one of the people who would over-promise and then either harm himself by working too much, too hard, and on the wrong things, or simply fail at the job; his previous interpretation was that saying yes to everything asked of him showed a healthy measure of respect, when in fact it did not. On the self-boundary that comes first, he says plainly that he has yet to fulfill on it — he is his own harshest critic and does not afford himself the forgiveness he offers to others.
Setting a clear boundary in this case is a compassionate way to avoid potential failure by allowing the requesting manager to seek help where resources might be more plentiful or appropriate to the task. It also preserves a healthy self-compassion and self-respect.
— Middle Way Management and Boundaries